Confrontations

Today I was asked a very different question. Have you ever stood up for yourself during a confrontation? I said that I had not and began thinking as to why? Is it because I have a fear of confrontations and tend to shut down when confronted? Do I not value my own opinion? The answer has to be, yes. To both. I am afraid of confrontation. One of my love languages is words of affirmation. Knowing that people are pleased with me or my actions is almost better then getting a raise at work (almost, but not quite). So when I displease someone, or make a mistake, and someone comes to me about it, I clam up. I don't know what to say in response except for nodding my head and sitting or standing meekly by. Automatically I assume that I have failed and lost all respect of the individual. Even if I did what I felt was the right. I strive to please and to be the best person that I can possibly be. Making a mistake must surely mean that I have failed! No, it just means that I am not perfect, that I am human. Humans make mistakes. But I now have an opportunity to learn from my mistake and better myself. I know all of this and have no problem passing those encouraging words on to someone else. But getting into my thick skull that mistakes are ok, is a completely different story. It's like telling a child that a stove is hot and can burn them. They know the information, some of them just don't know the meaning. Sometimes a little, curious hand has to get burnt before they understand. Learning the hard way seems to be my cup of tea. 

Now as far as not valuing my own opinion. I'm not quite sure about that one. Which leads to me to believe that I don't value it. It's not that I don't think it's important, but I'm afraid that other's wont think that my opinion is good enough. Low self esteem? Maybe. Or maybe I'm just learning how to be a confident individual. I want people to look at me and say, "this girl has got it together". I need to learn to present myself in a calm, confident manner. Just because someone doesn't like something I do or say does not mean that I was totally in the wrong. Maybe I offended them without meaning to or did something that came across as disrespectful. To which then a simple apology is appropriate. After that I need to move on to bigger and better things. That person probably will forget about it, a simply offence will most likely not change an individuals opinion of me. If I stole a priceless heirloom from my aunt then that is one thing. But if I came across a little harsh to a co-worker, an apology and possibly an explanation will suffice. Confidence says, "I know what I believe and can stand by it. Your disapproval will not sway me", Arrogance says, "I'm better than you so therefor my opinion is the only right one". Confidence is what I seek.